THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED ON BLACK FRIDAY

Amanda Seyfried was going shopping on Black Friday at Krogers Grocery Store in Columbus, Ohio. Yes, the woman lived in Los Angelas, California and had the cash to purchase food in the expensive gourmet grocery stores in the Los Angelas area. Yet, because she wanted to support the economy, they flown a private airplane from Los Angelas, California to Columbus, Ohio just to purchase a gallon of milk, a package of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, a pound of apples and a package of swiss cheese. As Amanda walked through the shelves of Krogers Grocery Store, the woman were approached by the Crazy Homeless Vagrant. This is the resulting conversation.

Crazy Homeless Vagrant: I've been hearing voices in my head. The voices in my head tell me that you're sexually interested in me.

Amanda: Excuse me, but who are you?

Crazy Homeless Vagrant: I'm your one true love. I'm the reason why you were born. Being with me is your destiny. Being with me is the only birthright you were ever allowed to have.

Amanda: I'm going to call the police against you in a few seconds if you don't shut up.

Crazy Homeless Vagrant: Now that we made a connection, I've changed my mind. I don't want you as my wife after all. Since being married to me was the only reason why you were born, there is no reason for you to exist anymore. Do you know what I'm going to do about it?

Amanda: Will somebody please get security over here? I'm being sexually harassed by a smelly homeless rapist psychopath!

Crazy Homeless Vagrant: I'm going to blow you up with a nuclear bomb that will overthrow the President of the United States and rewrite the schedule for prime time television.

Amanda: Will somebody please telephone the police? I'm being threatened and sexually harassed by a crazy homeless vagrant.

So the Crazy Homeless Vagrant was carted off by the police. The Bomb Disposal Squad disconnected the nuclear bomb that the Crazy Homeless Vagrant carried around as a suicide bomb vest. It was never known why the Crazy Homeless Vagrant got the nuclear bomb. As Amanda Seyfried rode her private airplane back to Los Angelas, she thanked GOD for her narrow escape. Soon she'll be back home with her pet animals and celebrate another day of successful crime fighting. The streets of Columbus, Ohio is safe thanks to Amanda Seyfried.