LEA THOMPSON HELPS HOWARD THE DUCK FIGHT CRIME IN LOS ANGELAS, CALIFORNIA

Lea Thompson felt lonely, cast off and adrift.  She got dumped by her former lover and she didn't know what her place in the world was going to be.  And so she aimlessly drifted from thing to thing without ever committing to anything.  And she was so frustrated by life, that she started acting like she was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder that's so far advance, that she lost the ability to care about anything.  For all intent and purposes, the loss of true love made Lea Thompson feel dead inside even though she was still alive and breathing in actual fact.  Lea Thompson read in a book (Written by a Conservative) that the only way to treat post traumatic stress disorder is to yell at the post traumatic stress disorder patient as if they're criminals and their mental disorder is a criminal act that could get them thrown in jail.  Such psychiatric treatment only made Lea Thompson feel even more dead inside than ever before.

 

As for Howard the Duck, he isn't psychologically dead as much as he's literally physically dead.  So it goes like this.  It turns out that Howard the Duck really wasn't dead.  You see, he was decapitated, but with the Golden Egg of Foul Cluck, Howard the Duck was able to grow a new head.  Of course, that required traveling to the Dreaming Dimensions where Ducks Go to Be Turned into Chinese Food.  And now that Howard the Duck regrew his head, he was free to return to the real dimension where genuine actual human beings live.

 

Once he returned to Earth, he found out that he was dumped by his paid girlfriend sidekick.  He washed away his pain and sorrow with a cigar and a bottle of beer.

Anytime Howard the Duck's favorite television show is in danger of getting canceled, he tries to save his favorite show by taking his loaded handgun and start shooting innocent people in a crowded room just for laughs.  Don't worry, he won't get in trouble for such behavior.  Hollywood film executives are expecting such an event to occur.  Why else would they be placing a television show in danger of getting canceled in the first place?

Sadly, Howard the Duck was arrested and locked in jail for rape, child mollestation and beastery.

Everybody knows that ducks can't fly on their own.  So when Howard the Duck needs to fly in mid-air, he gets himself an airplane like all the coolest pet birds always tends to do.

Once Howard the Duck was released from prison, he met and fell in love with Lea Thompson.  Lea Thompson loved Howard the Duck so much, she chose to become his new paid girlfriend and crime fighting sidekick.  Why not?  Lea Thompson's genius for computer programming and really clever and brilliant guitar playing paired up with top notch song writing made Lea Thompson a natural choice for the role of paid girlfriend and crime fighting sidekick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 One day, being the egghead that he always was, Howard the Duck along with his paid girlfriend and crime fighting sidekick Lea Thompson drove to veterinarian named Doctor Stork Crane.  They talked as they walked to the veterinarian office.  They couldn't drive cars or ride bicycles because Howard the Duck is either drinking and driving or drinking and bike riding.

LEA THOMPSON:   Gee, I don't know boss, I thought you had a physical examination.

HOWARD THE DUCK:  I'm not here for a physical examination.  I'm here to fight crime.

LEA THOMPSON:  Right.  We don't want the veterinarian to be a quack.  What's the problem?

HOWARD THE DUCK:  Doctor Stork Crane supervised a bird giving laying an ostrich egg.

LEA THOMPSON:  What's wrong with that?

HOWARD THE DUCK:  The bird in question was a pigeon.  Here we are.  Let me do the talking.

Howard the Duck and his paid girlfriend and crime fighting sidekick entered Doctor Stork Crane's veterinarian office.  What they saw there was nothing short of shocking.  What they saw was....

This story will be continued tomorrow.....