THE TROUBLE WITH HIT AND RUN DRIVING ALSO ENTITLED IT'S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO PUNISH ROAD RAGE DRIVING WITH AN EVEN DEADLIER ACT OF ROAD RAGE DRIVING (OF A BLOODTHIRSTY HOMICIDAL NATURE)

Charlize Theron knew what she wanted and how to get it.  When Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk turned down her request for a date, she bullied that person until the Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk finally caved in.  And now that Charlize Theron is dating the Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk, the girl is now the happiest lady in the world.
CHARLIZE THERON:  I'm glad you accepted my twentieth request for a date.  I always knew that making a request for a date a day everyday for twenty days in a row will lead to success.
RED PICKUP TRUCK DRIVING JERK:  I'm glad you made the effort.  You are without a doubt the most ethical and polite woman in the world.  I worship the ground under you as the other half of me.
CHARLIZE THERON:  Aww, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
RED PICKUP TRUCK DRIVING JERK:  I meant ever single word.
Suddenly there was a horrible sound of broken bone as the Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk ran over a Bike Riding Dude dressed like a Hippopotamus and a Second Bike Riding Dude dressed like a Walrus.  The first bicycle flew upward and scratched the paint on the hood, the entire left side and the entire right side before being crushed into a twisted mass of metal.  The second bicycle flew straight through the front windshield of the red pickup truck and smashed it to pieces.  The Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk continued to drive over and past the Bike Riding Dude dressed like a Hippopotamus and the Second Bike Riding Dude dressed like a Walrus.  The trauma and shock of getting involved in the hit and run traffic accident drove the Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk into a nervous breakdown.
RED PICKUP TRUCK DRIVING JERK:  Noooooo.  I may have killed two nerds that I hated more than Middle Eastern Terrorism.  I'll never be happy again.  My life is ruined.  My life is in shambles.  My car has fallen apart into pieces.  Never again will happiness grace my life.  The pain and suffering that I'm experienced is beyond any trauma and shock that anybody will ever experience.  How can I continue to go on living with the shock of killing two dummies that I despise in a hit and run traffic accident.
CHARLIZE THERON:  Don't worry, nobody will toss you in jail for hit and run vehicular manslaughter.  Nerds deserve to die.  You'll be rewarded with cash rewards and your very own television show.  You'll become a hero.
RED PICKUP TRUCK DRIVING JERK:  I certainly hope so.  I'm sick and tired of dummies always saying that I'm a brainless homicidal delusional jackass asshole. 
The Red Pickup Truck Driving Jerk cracked open a beer as he continued to drive home with Charlize Theron as his romantic date for the evening.