Friday, September 13, 2013

DOES THIS MEAN THAT I'M NOT GETTING THE PHOTO OF NICOLE KIDMAN

Carl Wu is both a paparatzi photographer and a huge fan of Nicole Kidman.  He probably has built this convoluted romantic fantasy involving Nicole Kidman that keeps getting more elaborate and weird as the days go on.  So Carl Wu heard that Nicole Kidman was going to attend a fashion show.  So he peddled his bike.  There she is.  Nicole Kidman is getting out of her limo.  She's entering the fashion show building.  Her hand is on the door handle.  Hurry.   Hurry.  Carl Wu is too far away.  Peddle the bike faster.  Hurry.  No.  No.  No.  The bike is racing too fast and the brakes is broken.  Too late.  Carl Wu and his bicycle crashed into Nicole Kidman---the object of his sexual obsession.
Nicole Kidman was furious after she was knocked to the cement ground by Carl Wu and his bicycle.
Nicole Kidman wanted Carl Wu's head delivered to her on a silver platter as punishment for what he done to her.  She wants to file a lawsuit.  She wants him arrested.  She would've wanted him murdered too if she could get away with it.
This wasn't the sort of red carpet fashion show entrance that Nicole Kidman was hoping for.
Carl Wu thought that Nicole Kidman had a thing for Oriental men.  But yet, here she was.  Looking at him like he was the greatest evil that ever existed.  Carl Wu's sexual fantasies involving make believe fantasy Nicole Kidman never involved her hating him so violently.
Carl Wu kept apologizing to his make believe girlfriend.  However, Nicole Kidman was so furious that this guy she clearly never met and clearly doesn't want to be friends with had been having unauthorized sexual fantasies about her.  It made Nicole want to hurt Carl Wu even more than previously.  And as she was helped up, she swore revenge against Carl Wu for what he did.
Carl Wu lost track how many times he apologized to the woman he had unauthorized sexual fantasties about and now accidently assaulted with his bicycle as an accidental weapon against her.  All he wanted was a photo to have romantic fantasies about and sell to tabloids everywhere.  Instead, Carl Wu himself became the tabloid story.  Carl Wu already knew that he'll become the laughing stock of paparatzi photographers everywhere.
Carl Wu tried to think of an explanation he could give to his friends and family.  All the explanations he came up with made him look like a creep and a mentally ill weirdo.
Nicole Kidman kept saying something about a restraining order filed against Carl Wu.  But how can he keep having unauthorized sexual fantasies involving Nicole Kidman if she filed a restraining order against him.  Again, his efforts to come up with an explanation to give his friends and family resulted in new easy answers.  He'll just have to say that he's suffering from a dangerous nervous breakdown and hope for the best (Which probably won't ever come anytime soon).  Saying that he's having a dangerous nervous breakdown could result in him being declared legally insane and possibly committed to a lunatic asylum for a long time.  And considering how homicidal Nicole Kidman's rage is against him, a lunatic asylum may not be safe enough to escape her wrath.
It's illegal to ride a bicycle on the sidewalks in New York City.  So there will be a traffic ticket.
That may not be enough to satisfy Nicole Kidman and her thirst for revenge against Carl Wu.
But Carl Wu getting a traffic ticket for riding his bike on the sidewalk is a start...
...Down the long difficult road of courtroom battles after courtroom battles that now lie in Carl Wu's future.  Carl Wu wasn't sure if he could even afford a lawyer to defend himself from Nicole Kidman's never ending thirst for revenge against him.
Carl Wu isn't sure if his legs are broken.
Carl Wu needed to get his legs untangled from his bicycle to make sure his legs isn't broken.
The Security Guard helped Carl Wu to his feet.  And then the Security Guard will want to have a private one on one conversation with Carl Wu.  It's going to be a very bad day for Carl Wu.
Carl Wu's bad day continues when the police decides to have a little chat with him about his bicycle attack against Nicole Kidman.
Nicole Kidman, Rooney Mara and Naomie Harris enjoyed the fashion show without Carl Wu.
 

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