HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR FILM

Most of you have already seen Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3 and Scream 4.  The three ways to survive a horror film, as stated in Scream series are:

1.  Don't have sexual intercourse.

2.  Don't get drunk or stoned.

3.  Don't say, "I'll be right back."

Allow me to add more rules to the list.

4.  Anybody who says, "I'm going to research a serial killer haunted house for a research paper and I need a team of unqualified fashion models to help me." is heading on a one way trip to the graveyard.

5.  Don't buy a cheap house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by creepy looking thugs.

6.  Don't go on vacation to a cheap house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by creepy looking thugs.

7.  Don't forget to have your cell phone charged up before going on vacation.  More important, don't bring a broken cell phone on vacation. Even more important, don't break your cell phone while on vacation.

8.  The cell phone is out of range.  Let's separate from the group and climb a mountain all the way over there to get better reception. 

9.  Don't bring a broken car while on vacation.  More important, don't bring a car that easily breaks down while on vacation.  Lock the car and don't leave the car unattended for hours on end.  You don't want your creepy thuggish neighbors to wreck the car engine while you're busy getting drunk and stoned.

10.  Oh wow, this area is contaminated by a horrible incurable disease.  Let's walk around without a biohazard suit.  What's that?  We don't have a biohazard suit?  Let's go on vacation somewhere else that isn't compromised by a horrible incurable disease.  That way, the disease won't spread across the entire planet and wipe out the human race.

11.  Oh wow, the infant ape is about to be destroyed because it will develop human intelligence and bring about the extinction of the human race.  Let's bring it home to adopt it so we could be murdered by our own pet animal monkey later on in the movie.  Oh yes, Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  I'm talking about you.

12.  Let's make sure the women in our group are dressed like slutty fashion models before going on vacation to a cheap house surrounded by thuggish evil looking neighbors.  The more cleavage that's visible, the better.
13.  Let's make fun of the thuggish evil looking neighbors surrounding the cheap inexpensive house we're hanging out in so they'll be angry enough to wipe us out.
I'm sure there are more rules that are necessary to adhere to to survive a horror film, but I can't think of it right now.  However, what I provided is good enough to get you started.

While I'm trying to escape Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger and Leatherface, here are some photos of Mischa Barton.