WELCOME TO ANOTHER SEASON OF THE BACHELOR

And the current season of the Bachelor for the planet Delta 45, two hundred women are living in the Bachelor house.  You know the rules.  Only 199 roses are given out.  Any women who gets a rose gets to stay.  A woman who doesn't get a rose is shot on the firing line.  There are two dates and one group date.  There are one immunity rose given out on the first solo date, there is a second immunity rose given out on the second solo date and there's a immunity rose given out on the group date.  And the rough part is that despite wearing a very slinky dress and showing off her breasts every five minutes and going overboard with excessive sexuality towards some creep she only just met, she didn't get a rose.  The Bachelor refused to give her a rose in a rude condescending manner.
KATY PERRY:  What do you mean I didn't get the rose?
THE BACHELOR (Looking like an Alien from the planet Delta 45.  With nine legs, fourteen arms, green and purple fur, antlers, antenna, he can only speak English through a translation machine and he smelled like a sewer):  I'm sorry, but you wasn't sexy enough.  You didn't open up to me enough.  You didn't express yourself enough.  You didn't give in to romance quickly enough.  You were timid and unromantic.  You waited too long before kissing me.  And you didn't swim back and forth in the swimming pool in front of me while another woman was trying to speak to me with a rude expression on your face.  You didn't turn an African style tribal safari into a brothel whorehouse.  You simply didn't prostitute yourself in front of me frequently enough.  You made me sick to the stomach.  You were so unsexy and so undesirable, that I was tempted to burn a rose if another woman quits to keep you in the game.  Just looking at you makes me want to throw up.  You're a vomit inducing insult to the female gender. 
KATY PERRY:  Please give me another chance.  I'll make you fall in love with me.
THE BACHELOR:  I'm sorry, but the possibility of an arrange wedding between the two of us can never work.  You must die.
KATY PERRY:  Please give me a Goddamn fucking rose you stupid brainless piece of shit.  You were likable when you were getting dumped on by the Bachelorette, but now your behavior is so detestable, that I want to wring your Goddamn fucking neck.  Now give me that Goddamn fucking rose you stupid nimrod and fucking kiss me already.  I promise that I'll do better you stupid fucked up piece of shit asshole.
THE BACHELOR:  Please just fucking shoot the woman already.
And so Katy Perry was dragged kicking, screaming and yelling to a nearby brick wall.  199 women winced as Katy Perry was shot and killed by a firing line. 
THE BACHELOR:  Stick an apple in Katy Perry's mouth and I'll call her my dinner for tonight.
Please tune in tomorrow when only 198 roses are given out to 199 surviving women in the 2012 to 2013 season of the Bachelor.  Coming up next, the planet Delta 45 version of Dancing with the Stars followed by the latest episode of Planet Delta 45 Got Talent.