Friday, October 16, 2015


Penelope took a deep confident breath after retouching her makeup in her small compact mirror.  And with a calm and confident smile, she walked through the doorways and into the room.  The crowd rose to applaud as she was announced to signal the lady to take to the stage.
 Penelope Cruz was confident that everything will go her way.  How can it fail.  She had everything under control right from the very start.
 Penelope said to the crowd, "I thank you all for attending the film premier for my latest film Venuto al Mondo.  This really was a passion project that I felt deeply about."
Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad stood up and said, "I understand that this film has been disrupted by a sex scandal.  It turns out that your spouse Javier Bardem was having an affair behind your back.  And your response against his having an affair was so horrible and scary that people now want to see you legally dead once and for all.  Your death will make it possible for Javier Bardem to continue having an affair without you always messing it up."
 Penelope said, "I don't understand where you're getting this from."
Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad said, "Javier Bardem is having an affair and he has a convoluted masturbation ritual related to this affair.  Dating you disrupts this affair.  Dating you disrupts this convoluted masturbation ritual.  This affair and this convoluted masturbation ritual is more important that Javier Bardem going steady with you.  What do you have to say about your conduct thus far."
 Penelope said, "I believe that my feelings are equally as important as Javier Bardem's feelings."
Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad said, "But Javier Bardem not allowed to have an affair behind your back and not allowed to have a convoluted masturbation ritual because now he has to have sex with you instead is ruining Hollywood film projects."
Penelope said, "What the Hell is your problem?  Are you blind?  I'm promoting a Hollywood film right now."
 Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad said, "Your film was approved by a committee only to ensure the continuation of Javier Bardem's affair as being more important than you.  Your film was approved by a committee only to ensure that Javier Bardem's convoluted masturbation ritual was more important than having sex with you."
Penelope said, "You're out of line you dumb and insolent piece of shit."
 Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad said, "It's time we rebel against Penelope Cruz so that Javier Bardem can continue to have romantic affairs with somebody else behind her back.  We must rebel against Penelope Cruz so that Javier Bardem won't be forced to have sex with her instead of having convoluted masturbation ritual which we don't even like or approve of.  Chase her out and stage a revolt while we still can.  Do it to save television shows from being ruined by Javier Bardem's Inability to have an affair behind Penelope Curz's back and his inability to have convoluted masturbation rituals because he has to have sex with Penelope Cruz instead.  We must fight back to save Hollywood from falling apart.  Revolt while you can to save us all."
Penelope cried out, "Chose your words carefully asshole because your next words will be your last."
It was too late.  The crowd attending the film premier of Venuto al Mondo and chased the girl out of the building and out to the streets.  Penelope Cruz ran as fast as her legs could carry her until she was certain that she outran the angry rioting mob that Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad provoked against her.
 Penelope Cruz's film premier event may have been ruined, but Penelope herself is still alive.  And she can still destroy Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad as long as she's still alive.  And that alone helped her to feel good about a day that's starting to fall apart around her.
 Penelope turned around and saw that the Angry Rioting Mob spotted her.  She was forced to run.
 Has Penelope Cruz outran the Angry Rioting Mob?  Nope.  Then keep running.  Run.  Run.  Run.  So she ran as fast as she could.  She ran like she never ran before.
 Arm Fall Off Plaid Lad kept promising to ruin her life before destroying her utterly, but she always dismissed such claims as the aimless ramblings of a lunatic.  Now it turns out as if the aimless ramblings of a lunatic may prove to be genuine.  She's still being chased.  For GODDESS sake run.  Run.  Run.  Run.  Outrace the Angry Rioting Mob while it's still possible.
 Her limousine was nearby.  She can still escape into her limousine before the Angry Rioting Mob destroys her utterly.
 The limousine was close enough that she can almost reach the car door handle.  Just keep running.  Safety is just inches away from her.
 Run.  Run.  Run.  The limousine is just inches away.  Keep running.  Run.
 The Limousine Driver spotted Penelope Cruz and opened the door for her.  She ran towards the open door as fast as she could.
 Run.  Keep running.  The open limousine door is just inches away.  She's almost there.  Run.
 The Angry Rioting Mob was gaining ground too.  But Penelope Cruz was faster.  She reached the limousine with happiness and confidence.  Now she can escape the Angry Rioting Mob.
 She jumped into the limousine and the car door was slammed shut.  The Limousine Driver got into the limousine and started the engine.  The limousine roared to life and drove away from the Angry Rioting Mob.  Penelope Cruz is now safe from harm.
Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have been married to each other since 2010.  And their latest date together has been to a U2 concert.  And while Paul Hewson aka Bono sang and performed with the rest of the U2 band, Javier suddenly threw Penelope's cowgirl hat and her boa on him and jumped on stage to hug Bono.  Bono did nothing to discourage Javier's embrace.
 Bono continued to sing as Javier started to hug him from behind while still wearing his wife Penelope's cowgirl hat and feathered boa.  Bono did nothing to discourage the advance.
 Javier dropped to his knees to lower his head while Bono rested his right arm on Javier's shoulder.  Penelope leapt to her feet and bounded up to the stage.
Penelope roared, "I'm married to Javier and I'm telling you that you can't do this to me!"
Javier replied, "What do I do now?  I'm so confused and ashamed."
Bono said, "I'll handle your wife.  You just stay here."
U2 rock band members Larry Mullens and Adam Clayton stood nearby while this happened.
U2 rock band member David Evans aka the Edge stood between Penelope Cruz as she confronted Bono.  She was angry and starting to express violent rage.
Penelope cried out, "What are you doing to Javier.  You didn't realize that I'd find out."
Bono replied, "You weren't supposed to be here.  The Angry Rioting Mob was supposed to finish you off.  Now other plans need to be found."
 Penelope said, "What other plans were you talking about."
Bono replied, "You'll find out."
The Edge just stood between them as this conversation continued.
 Bono embraced Penelope.  Penelope was confused as she embraced Bono in return.
 Penelope pulled closer to Bono as they continued their embrace.
 Penelope forced Bono to the ground as she crawled on top of him.  The Edge just stood nearby and failed to react in any sort of manner.
 Bono lay on the ground face up as Javier slipped into a catatonic trance.  Penelope sat on top of Bono before she stood above him taking selfies of him with her smart phone.
Bono knew he needed to do something about Penelope, but he wasn't sure what.  Bono finally made a decision about what to do about Penelope.  His decision was...
This story will be continued tomorrow...

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