Thursday, August 17, 2017

DON'T SQUEEZE THE CHARMIN

Man With the Plan:  I've been hired.  I've finally been hired.
Me:  That's good.  What's your form of employment.
Man With the Plan:  I'm playing the voice of one of those Cartoon Bears Always Going to the Toilet on those Charmin Toilet Paper Commercials.
Me:  I guess somebody has to play the role.
Man With the Plan:  I play a cartoon bears who always needs to use the toilet.
Me:  It's less than a minute long.
Man With the Plan:  I know how to play a bear using the toilet.
Me:  Don't forget to use the toilet paper.
Man With the Plan:  I always use Charmin Toilet Paper.  We all need to go.  Why not do so with Charmin.
The Man With the Plan vanishes into the bathroom and vanishes there for half the day.
And as I'm lost in thought in the Summertime, here are some photos of Cristina Herrmann.










TELEVISION

There are plenty of cute women being casted in your favorite television shows.  You pick a television show and there's probably a cute girl casted in it in some way.  Of course, there might be a few exceptions here and there.  But still, as a general rule, your favorite television shows probably will have a cute girl somewhere in the cast.  Of course, it takes more than a cute girl to help a television show survive beyond the debut season.  Insignificant elements such as a script, direction, casting, producers and a multi-season plan is also important.  But even if your favorite television show has become a car wreck disaster, you can justify watching merely because there's a cute girl in the cast.
And as I'm lost in thought in the Summertime, here are some photos of the following individuals.
Xosha Roquemore, Olivia Cooke and Malin Akerman
 Nazanin Boniadi, Megan Boone and Ari Gaynor
 Melissa Fumero, Emily Wickersham and Madeline Brewer
 Chloe Bennet, Caitlin Fitzgerald and Nicole Beharie

TURNING VULTURES INTO DRAGONS

Man With the Plan:  I'm going to turn vultures into dragons.
Me:  I'm not sure what to say about that.  You're obviously a genius in math and science.
Man With the Plan:  I'm terrible in math and I'm even worse in science.
Me:  And you have a diabolical mad scientist lab.
Man With the Plan:  I'm homeless.  Any effort to have a roof over my head always ends up getting defeated by forces beyond my control.
Me:  And you have dozens of vultures waiting to be turned into dragons.
Man With the Plan:  I have no pet animals and I have no personal possessions.  All efforts to own pet animals and all efforts to own personal possessions always gets defeated by forces beyond my control.
Me:  And you have a vehicle to transport your doomsday animals to aid and abet your diabolical plan to turn vultures into dragons.
Man With the Plan:  I'm being punished for drunk driving to such a degree that I'm not allowed to own personal possessions.  I'm not allowed to own vehicles of any kind.  I can't even ride a bike without being defeated by forces beyond my control.
Me:  I'm confused.  How are you going to turn vultures into dragons?
Man With the Plan:  Because destiny is so irreversible that it will happen no matter what by forces beyond my control.  And the irony will be giddy and ironic.
Me:  I'm still confused.  How are you going to turn vultures into dragons?
Man With the Plan:  It's time for me to clap my hands for no reason whatsoever.  I have an angle when panhandling for money.  I'm able to panhandle for money while using the voice of Daffy Duck.  Talking like Daffy Duck is useful when I'm trying to turn vultures into dragons and bulls into Minotaurs.  And I shall find the lost colony of leprechauns suffering from leprosy. 
The Man With the Plan was clearly insane.  So I frowned as I walked away in the opposite direction.
And as I'm lost in thought in the Summertime, here are some photos of Josephine Skriver.