Friday, March 14, 2014

PROBLEMS WITH THE FILM ADAPTATION OF THE STORY OF NOAH

1.  The film the Ten Commandments starring Charles Heston freely invented subplots and fictional characters.  Not only did nobody complained, BUT IT ALSO BECAME A FILM CLASSIC.  The film Noah invented subplots and fictional characters in the same manner and in the same style  AND DEVOUT CHRISTIANS AND DEVOUT MUSLIMS CAN'T WAIT TO TEAR IT APART WITHOUT EVEN WAITING FOR IT TO ACTUALLY REACH A MOVIE THEATER.  Honestly, what the heck?!?!?!?!  Thankfully, Devout Jews isn't bothered by the invented subplots and fictional characters in the film Noah.  Or if Devout Jews are bothered by the invented subplots and fictional characters in the film Noah, they are not making much of a noise about it.
2.  Noah saved two of each animal (One male and one female) including skunks.  Where is the deodorant when it's needed the most.
3.  Noah is the only person on the entire planet Earth who happens to own a boat.  NOBODY ELSE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET EARTH OWNED A BOAT BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE BACK THEN HAD A NEED TO GO FISHING.  NEVER MIND THAT HALF OF JESUS CHRIST'S CREW OF DISCIPLES WERE EMPLOYED AS FISHERMEN WHO HAPPENED TO OWN A BOAT.
4.  Help!  The entire planet Earth has been submerged underwater, I'm stuck inside the Arc with two lions, two tigers and two bears.  I forgot to build a critter cage and I forgot the pack enough critter food to last the entire duration of the flood.
5.  The next time a weird guy with a Duck Dynasty style beard, wearing a Greek/Ancient Roman
Empire toga who is talking to himself builds a boat in the middle of a desert and it starts to rain, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND PURCHASE A BOAT TO LIVE ON FOR THE NEXT DECADE OR SO.  TRUST ME, YOU'LL THANK YOURSELF WHEN THE FLOOD SUBMERGES THE ENTIRE PLANET EARTH A SECOND TIME AROUND.
6.  We should pray to a GOD who actually thought that genocide by flood is a good idea.  However, we reserve the right to launch a military invasion of Russia (Never mind the prospect of Nuclear War) if Russian President Vladimir Putin tries to committee genocide by flood in the same exact manner for the same exact reasons.
 7.  Noah did nothing to prevent GOD from committing genocide by flood.  For that reason alone, Noah should be considered a righteous person.  If a modern day person just stood there and refused to stop Russian President Vladimir Putin from committing genocide by flood, he or she would be arrested for treason and sentenced to death by firing squad before being drawn and quartered.
And as I'm lost in thought while reading the HOLY BIBLE, here are some photos of Emma Watson.































 









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