ONLY YOU CAN CAUSE FOREST FIRES

Abbie Cornish was going camping in the forest in Denver, Colorado.  She was busy spraying trees with a flame thrower.  She tossed litter on the ground with a smile on her face.  Woodsy Owl approached the girl with concern.
WOODSY OWL:  Give a hoot, don't pollute.  Stop this craziness right now.  You're wrecking a forest and hurting innocent wild animals.  Wild animals will be without a home or food if you keep this up.
ABBIE CORNISH:  I'm sorry, but it's survival of the fittest.  If wild forest animals can't live like humans, then they need to go in the zoo. 
WOODSY OWL:  Humans are animals too.  We all need to share this planet with nature.
ABBIE CORNISH:  Nature is overrated.  Human Beings only tolerate nature because we have yet to invent a machine that can do nature's job more efficiently.
WOODSY OWL:  I wish you wouldn't keep talking like that.
ABBIE CORNISH:  Oh no, did I hurt your feeling?  That's too bad.  I just killed solar and wind energy so that idiots will be more dependent on nonrenewable energy sources like oil, coal and natural gas.  And now Human Beings will end all forests everywhere because the United States of America needs the money normally gone to Federal and State Parks to be used for bombs and guns for more deadly and bloody wars.  Besides, the Holy Bible said that we can destroy every forest in existence and still survive because Human Beings are protected by GOD.  If wild forest animals isn't protected by GOD, then I don't care about them.
WOODSY OWL:  I'm giving you one last chance to stop burning down trees and stop littering.
ABBIE CORNISH:  I'm finished having a conversation with you.  GOD has abandoned you and I never gave a damn.  Say goodbye to your forest and say hello to more houses and shopping malls.  Soon, the entire planet will have no more trees, grass and wildlife, but be covered only with cement.  And humanity will still survive without trees, animals and wildlife because the Holy Bible said so.  And if GOD hates you, then I hate you too.  Goodbye.
Woodsy Owl saw one of Smokey Bear's shovels and was tempted to bludgeon Abbie Cornish with it.  However, using a shovel to bludgeon Abbie Cornish isn't the United States Forest Service way of life.  After much thought being done very quickly, Woodsy Owl looked at the shovel and chose to...
This story will be continued tomorrow...