Wednesday, April 17, 2013


It all started in 1981 with The Evil Dead.  It was Sam Rami's college student classwork assignment film stretched out to feature length starring longtime friend (Who acted in almost all of Sam Rami's films) Bruce Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss and Richard DeManincor.  Repeat after me, a bunch of drunk and stoned teenagers has their car broken down in Redneck Hillbilly land (Republicans are evil serial killers in these films) where they take up residence in an abandoned house in a mostly Caucasian neighborhood that people can't sell because nobody wants to move there (Don't ask).  The drunk and stoned teenagers are dumb enough to provoke a serial killer and get wiped out.  In this case, the serial killer is a demon who jumps into people's bodies and turn them into zombies.  Four out of five of the teenagers (And all of the women) are killed and turned into zombies.  Only Bruce Campbell as Ash survives because he refuses to get drunk, refuses to get stoned and is a virgin.  Sober virgin nerds always survive death porn horror films without a scratch (Maybe they die between films and maybe they're still alive somewhere). 
Jump ahead of time to 1987 with the release of the Evil Dead II:  Dead by Dawn starring Bruce Campbell,  Sarah Berry and Dan Hicks.  For reasons unknown to anybody with a brain, Ash returns with four brand new friends only to see all four of them killed (Two women and two men) and Bruce only survives by cutting off half of his arm and sewing a chainsaw to it (Don't ask). 
Jump even further ahead of time to the year 1992 with the film Army of Darkness starring (Again) Bruce Campbell and Embeth Davidtz.  This has nothing to do with the first two films except the zombies are now attacking a castle in Medieval England (Don't ask).  Ash travels through time to Medieval England to stop the zombies from progressing to the Deep South portion of the United States of America by stopping the zombies at the source (Don't ask).  He splits in half so now we have Evil Ash fighting Super-Hero Ash who still refuses to die.  Except now he's stuck in Medieval England still fighting non-stop wave of zombies armies after zombie armies.  Like I said before, this has nothing to do with the first two movies, except for the zombies and it really has nothing to do with the horror genre (It's mostly an action adventure film pretending to be horror instead).  Hey, keep in mind that Sam Rami is the same man who gave us Xenia---The Warrior Princess and Legend of the Seeker.  Sword and sorcery in medieval Europe is his specialty.  Sword and sorcery in medieval Europe was what Army of Darkness was all about. 
Flash forward to 2013 when there's a fourth chapter of the Evil Dead series entitled Evil Dead (what?  No number four in the film title?) starring Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez and Lou Taylor Pucci.  And the guy is still the last person standing (With no women surviving) which completely ignores the film Army of Darkness.  And Bruce Campbell as Ash (And his chainsaw arm) is nowhere to be found too. 
So how long does it take before Jane Levy gets killed by Republican Redneck Hillbilly serial killers and their armies of zombies?  Here is Jane Levy before she is turned into a zombie by horrible Republican Redneck psychos as punishment for having her car breakdown in the wrong town.
Here is Jane Levy being turned into a zombie by horrible Republican Redneck psychos as punishment for having her car break down in the wrong town.

Here is Jane Levy after she is turned into a zombie by horrible Republican Redneck psychos as punishment for having her car breakdown in the wrong town.  I guess this is what happens to a person when he/she turns into a Republican Redneck Hillbilly.
Poor Jane Levy as Mia ends up getting killed twice (And the second time was by her former best friend turned mortal enemy (Once she's turned into a zombie of course).  Needless to say, Poor Jane Levy was better off staying home.
More photos of Jane Levy promoting the fourth installment of the death porn horror film series the Evil Dead simply entitled Evil Dead.

And there could be a fifth installment of the Evil Dead series if the fourth installment turns out to be a blockbuster success.  So help the Evil Dead zombies get the fifth installment of their death porn horror film series started by purchasing as many tickets to see Evil Dead in a movie theater near you.  And don't forget to carry a can of mace when traveling in the Republican Redneck Hillbilly town.  And to think this started out as Sam Rami's college class homework assignment.

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